On the anniversary of her father’s passing, Hayley reflects on the man Rob was, and the care he received at St Margaret’s Hospice.
“He was just the best dad ever,” Hayley says, smiling. “I might be a bit biased, but he was.”
She cherishes her childhood memories with him. “We’d go on little adventures – bike rides, visits to family friends, the beach, the arcades. He was quite an active person, always out and about, like me really. Then as I got older, it was a case of we might go into Wetherspoons and have a few drinks together when I went back to visit!”
A dedicated family man, Rob always devoted himself to his children and later, his grandkids. “He would come down to Plymouth, where I live, at the drop of the hat if I needed a bit of help,” says Hayley.
Funny, loving, caring, supportive, and perhaps a bit clumsy, Rob was well known and well liked in his hometown of Bridgwater. He worked at the cellophane factory, and Hayley fondly remembers how he would stroll down the street, greeting everyone with a smile – and often by name!
However, after a stroke in 2013, Rob’s health started to decline. “From there, he suffered with mobility and speech, as well as underlying issues which we never truly knew. He just deteriorated,” says Hayley. “But even when he got some independence with his mobility scooter, he’d be racing through town and beeping at people! So yeah, he was a bit of a character, but in the kindest, nicest sense.”
In 2023, Rob came under the care of St Margaret’s hospice. Admitted to the In-Patient Unit at first for symptom control, he ultimately remained there until his death a few weeks later.
“There’s loads of words I could use,” Hayley says. “Without getting upset, I was just grateful for how amazing they were. So supportive, and so much empathy. They actually spent time with my dad and cared about him genuinely, called him by his name. Even though Dad couldn’t really speak and express himself very much at that point, it was just his smiles and his little gestures that they would laugh at.”
Hayley found the space calming and tranquil. “The room looked out into the garden, and a little robin would come down – Dad loved watching it.”
The hospice became a sanctuary – not just for Rob, but for those who loved him. “People could come and visit him, and he had friends come in. It was special to just to have that human interaction.” Small comforts made a big difference: a view onto the gardens, tastes of ice cream, and responsive care.
It was nice to know that they were making sure that Dad didn’t need to suffer."Hayley
Something that made a huge difference for Hayley was the use of the Sunflower Suite – an onsite apartment where loved ones can stay so that they can remain close by. “Because I was living far away, and not knowing how long the journey would be, I was so grateful. Just basically to be handed a key – it was such a relaxed thing to be able to use it.”
That closeness gave Hayley the chance to make precious final memories with her dad.
“There was a song my dad used to sing to me when I was little,” Hayley recalls. “One morning, I went in singing it to him. Even though for years he couldn’t say much at all, that morning, he sang some of the words back. There was also another time where I said, ‘I love you Dad, I really love you,’ and he said, ‘I love you, too.’ Plain as anything. From someone that had not spoken it probably took a lot, but it meant a lot. It meant the world.”
Eventually, Rob’s condition worsened. One Saturday, Hayley had gone back to Plymouth and was watching her son’s football game. “I’d just taken a picture of the team after their game when I got the call to say Dad wasn’t doing well at all. There was no question. I went straight back.”
At the hospice, Rob was still being cared for with the same tenderness and dignity as always – but it was clear he didn’t have long. “It was a case of spending all the time we could with him. The nurses were amazing – they reassured me, answered my questions. I’d never seen anyone pass away before, and I kept asking, is this normal? They didn’t pretend to have all the answers, but they were there, and they were very honest.”
Just after 8pm, Rob died peacefully. “Even though it sounds bizarre to say – I love my dad to bits, and I’d give anything to have him here – but after his struggle, I wanted him to go so he could be at peace. I was proud of him for letting go. But it was the hardest thing in the world to leave him there at the hospice.”
The hospice continued to care for the family. “There was no rush to leave. We could stay with him as long as we needed. I held his hand the whole time.” The hospice gave Hayley a small, knitted heart to remember him by – and she sprayed it with her dad’s aftershave. “It was the little things like that.”
Hayley took a short walk in the hospice grounds that evening. “It might sound silly, but there were little signs that day. A white feather came floating down in front of me. And then, when I went back, the robin we’d been watching was there again.”
Even in that quiet moment, it felt as though Rob was still with her. The care he’d received, the dignity with which he was treated, and the support of the hospice – it all made the hardest goodbye just a little more bearable.
It wasn’t how Hayley had imagined hospice care would be. “My stomach sank when I heard that Dad was going in. But all we wanted was for him to have the help and support that he needed and deserved. And when we went in and saw what it was all about, it totally took away any apprehension. I think if Dad had had a choice, he maybe would’ve gone there earlier,” says Hayley.
I would absolutely sing St Margaret’s praises, ten times over.”Hayley
One year on, Hayley and her son returned to the hospice grounds for the Sunflower Stroll – a walk held in honour of loved ones.
“That was hard,” she admits. “I hadn’t set foot back in the hospice since Dad passed. But it was important to me—to give something back, to say thank you.”
Now, two years on, Hayley shares her story as another way of supporting St Margaret’s.
It’s just to say thank you, really. And to help other people understand that the hospice offers so much. It’s priceless—absolutely priceless.”Hayley
By telling Rob’s story, Hayley keeps her dad’s memory close – honouring not only the man he was, but the care and support that guided him gently to the end. She hopes that others might find the same compassion when they need it most.
