 |
|
 |
“Hospice care is a gift given with no demands or expectations. They are just there.”
Last year, Ian lost his brave battle with oesophageal cancer. After spending several months in and out of hospital and living in increasing pain he was referred to St Margaret’s. Ian received care from our community nurses during his final months and when his health deteriorated, he was moved to the In-Patient unit (IPU). Twelve months on, Ian’s wife Yvonne reflects on the journey they both took, and how the hospice became an unexpected gift in those final weeks and days.
For over 30 years Ian and, Yvonne, had a “marriage of laughter”, bringing up their three children together and doting on their five grandchildren. Yvonne remembers Ian as “the most kind-hearted, gentleman in every way. He would open doors and always put ladies first. He was a family man, who adored his grandchildren, they were his life. We had over 30 years of laughing”.
When Ian became ill, Yvonne said “it felt like I was looking in on a nightmare. We were thrown into a world where I wish nobody had to go. We avoided the word ‘hospice’ throughout Ian's illness, it frightened him because it symbolised the end. He just didn't want that.
“The word ‘hospice’ conjured up so many fears and endings we just were not ready for, even though we knew it was coming.”
Their apprehensions were soon eased as Loren, a St Margaret’s community nurse, entered their lives. Yvonne describes how on Loren’s first home visit she went straight to Ian, who could no longer use his voice, and “spoke to him gently, as if she had known him all her life, with such ease and confidence that within five minutes [we] were all communicating, and the fears were briefly forgotten”.
Every step of the way
After several difficult months, Ian just wanted to be pain-free and comfortable, surrounded by his children and grandchildren. Loren listened and explained that he was now in charge of his care plan, which felt like a huge relief for both Ian and Yvonne.
“Loren explained to us that she would be there every step of the way for Ian and me, along with our children and grandchildren, throughout our journey.”
The community team helped Ian to stay at home for as long as possible, managing his medication as well as training Yvonne so she could help administer pain relief. The family also had access to the hospice’s 24/7 advice line, which they could contact at any time if they had a concern or needed to ask for help.
“The relief of seeing how different the new care plan made Ian feel and how it diminished his pain, was a real blessing.”
When Ian’s health deteriorated, and he could only communicate through hand gestures because of his loss of speech, Ian asked Yvonne to contact the hospice and ask for further help.
“[It was] the hardest phone call I have ever had to make. I spoke with Loren who said how brave Ian was and that it was time for him to come into the hospice. She asked me to pack up his bag with things he loved and treasured from home; photographs of our family, our children, our beloved grandchildren and, of course, pictures of 'us', of memories and good times”.
On arriving at the hospice, Ian had his own room in the IPU and was encouraged to make it feel like home. Adorned with his beloved Aston Villa football flag, plenty of photographs and a blanket with printed images of special memories, Ian’s room became a space where the family felt safe and comforted.
Caring for everyone
With young grandchildren ever present in their life, Ian and Yvonne were delighted that St Margaret’s also offered them support so they could understand what was happening with their Grandad, but also continue to enjoy time with him.
“The nurses insisted it was important for them to come too. On a visit from three of our grandchildren one of the nurses called to them before they went in. We were all left wondering what it was about when another nurse came in with three teddy bears...when the grandchildren came back in 'Grandad' Ian gave each of them a bear - it was a moment we will always treasure. The bears are still slept with by the grandchildren every night.”
Hope not fear
“Ian's care in the hospice was second-to-none. The doctors visited every day, more than once if needed. They spoke to Ian honestly, but in a way that gave you hope, not fear. Ian’s care, from the minute he went into the hospice was given with such kindness, such compassion and professionalism, that I just don't know what I would have done without them.
“Near the end Ian’s care was both discreet when we were there, but present if needed. They made sure Ian was feeling the best he could; they shaved him, cleaned him up, they spoke with him about his favourite football team, and ensured, most importantly, that he was pain-free. They made sure the man I knew kept all the dignity he had always had, as a real gentleman, intact. Priceless.”
When Ian died, Yvonne remembers the nurses “dressed him in his Aston Villa pyjamas and put his family photo blanket over him. How thoughtful was that - we didn't even ask! Oh, and they also put on top of that his Aston Villa flag! My son was delighted.” Often, it’s the small gestures that make the biggest impact.
“At a time of the most heartbreaking grief, they still offered us support and care.”
They made sure I knew I was not alone - assuring us the telephone numbers we had were available to us at any time. Hospice care is a gift given with no demands or expectations. They are just there.”