When speaking with Simon, it’s clear just how much he and Vicki loved spending time together, whether it was venturing off on a trip, or simply enjoying a laugh and a conversation at home – they just enjoyed sharing as much of life together as possible and so when Vicki was diagnosed with Secondary Breast Cancer, it felt like their relationship had been taken away. As Simon explains below, he had become Vicki’s carer and their time was now focused on facing her illness together at home.
“I think I put my emotions to the side because I was just trying to make sure I was there for Vicki and make things as positive as possible. I saw it as my job to care for her at home, and that’s something that I was quite proud of.”
Simon was determined to do his best for Vicki as he knew how important it was for her to stay in their own home. However, the complexities of her illness meant that it was becoming increasingly difficult to care for Vicki at home.
“When the nurses came round and saw how much of a struggle it was, we all agreed for Vicki to be referred to St Margaret’s. Initially, I was actually distraught by this because I knew that hadn’t previously been Vicki’s wish, and I worried that she was changing her mind because she wanted to help me.”
“We’d both previously agreed for Vicki to be cared for at home rather than go into a hospice, but that was purely down to our own mis-conception of what a hospice was. We only thought of it as a kind of a dark and morbid place – but the reality was the total opposite.”
Shortly after being referred to St Margaret’s, Vicki and Simon were welcomed to our In-Patient Unit, and their impression of the hospice changed in an instant.
“When we arrived at the hospice, the first thing I noticed was the Gardner tending to all the flowers, and just how nice the outside of the building was. We must have met five or six nurses within the first couple of minutes. They all introduced themselves and were really nice. I could just feel this instant sense of relief, and I remember thinking to myself ‘you know what, this is alright’.”
How St Margaret’s care made a difference
Prior to Vicki’s admission, Simon had been her sole carer – taking care of all her needs and being there for her 24 hours a day. This had a significant impact on their relationship, as they were no longer able to able to share any quality time together.
“We weren’t husband and wife while I was caring for Vicki at home. I was her carer, and I was only focused on doing what I needed to do to look after her. Around that time, she didn’t even really have the energy for talking, and so I couldn’t even sit on the edge of the bed and enjoy a conversation with her.”
This is where St Margaret’s care made such a difference to Simon and Vicki. With a team of specialist nurses now taking care of Vicki’s complex needs, Simon was able to take some time to rest and recover himself. This meant that he could just be there for Vicki as her husband, rather than her carer, and they could now focus on making the most of the precious time that they had together.
“The care Vicki received made a massive difference to her. Previously when we were at home, just getting her in and out of the shower in the morning would wipe her out for almost the entire day - so she wouldn’t perk up again until the evening, and by that point she needed to go back to sleep.
“So the care she received from the nurses meant that we could just enjoy our time together. Vicki had the sickest sense of humour, and we were able to laugh and joke like we always had. That gave me something that I needed as well, because I got to see that smile on her face again.”
“They should rename the hospice as the Sunshine Hotel”
“All of the staff were amazing, and they looked after me just as much Vicki. I almost felt like I was a patient at times because of the care and attention that I got. I used to joke with the nurses and say that they should rename the hospice as the Sunshine Hotel, and all of the nursing team should be called the Sunshine Crew.”
“They knew how much Vicki loved having our dog Marshall around, and so they always went out of their way to ensure that he could visit. I would often take Marshall for a walk across the fields behind the hospice. So when it came to Vicki’s shower time, it was nice to know that I could go off for a walk with the dog and that when I got back we could enjoy the rest of the day together. She was so well cared for, that she still had energy for the rest of the day.”
“And then in the evenings, the nurses would put an extra bed alongside Vicki’s just for me - and I would just lie there and face her. That was really special.”
What St Margaret’s care meant to Simon and Vicki
Simon was by Vicki’s side as she passed away peacefully on our In-Patient Unit.
Without the efforts of everyone at St Margaret’s, especially the nursing team, Simon and Vicki wouldn’t have been able to enjoy those precious moments together. But, thanks to everyone who helped care for Vicki – Simon now feels that it’s a period of time that he’ll always be able to cherish.
“I think it gave her a dignified death. We were hoping to have that at home, but that just wasn’t possible and it wouldn’t have been peaceful – so to have had those three weeks with her at the hospice was absolutely amazing.”
“It gave us precious time together before she passed, and I don’t think I could have coped without having that. I would have missed that a lot.”